Posted on: April 13, 2009 9:28 pm
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The McClesky Philosophy- Intro

At least once a week, I'm going to let everyone into my philosophy. It's a great idea for me because I feel that some people may have a better understanding of me, once they have an idea as to how I think. With that being said, here we go.

This week: SONGS WITH BIZARRE LYRICS AND THEMES

I like these songs, but not for the reasons you think.

Sure I could cite simple reasons like "Because I'm wierd" and "Because they're funny"; but that's not exactly the real reason. The real reason why I love bizarre lyrics is simply because I hate music lyrics in general.

I'd switched over to listening to intrumental jazz, techno and classical music a long time ago for a reason; I don't like beutifully orchestrated music being disrupted by some tone deaf musician screeching something about nothing.

I gave up on R&B lyrics because you can only hear the same lies, coming from the same men, so many times; "Baby I need you", "Baby, money doesn't matter", "Baby I would always be faithful" and my personal favorite, "I love you". Not to be out done, the women will talk down to a man like he was a dog that had just pooped on the carpret.

I gave up on Rock and Rap lyrics because I can't get myself to kill people. But at least I can give rap an edge over rock in one area; at least you can understand half of the lyrics; between the screaming and the growling, I don't know if I'm at a rock concert or at Michael Vick's dogfighting camp. However, that doesn't take rap off the hook; rap artists had taken notes from Jessie Jackson and decided to make up their own language. Why do you want me to do a "stanky leg"? What's wrong? Did a fail to make it to the bathroom on time?

I gave up on country lyrics out of fear; I was afraid that one night I'll be drunk, while listening to country music, then decide to take my own life. "Feed Jake, he was a good dog; my best friend, right through it all. If I die before I wake... Feed Jake".....   BLAM!!!

I gave up on POP lyrics out of fear that I may tie them (the pop stars) all up and throw them into the back of my trunk. Trust me, as skinny as all of them are, I should be able to have room left over for my golf clubs. First, I'll pick up a member of N'Sync and use him as a baseball bat to knock down the rest of them. Then, I'll weigh them all down using Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson. From there, I could use Paris Hilton as a string and tie them all up into one nice, neat ball. 

With all of this being said, all of those forms of music do share one thing in common; once in a while comes a song with lyrics and themes so bizarre, you can't help but to be either in shock, in awe or in laugher. It is those songs that I truly appreciate. Here's are some cases in oint.

-Sir Elton John was never shy about being gay; yet when you hear him sing the song,"Don't let your Sun go down on me"...

-In one of Nirvana songs, Kurt Corbain sanged, "No I don't have a gun; no I don't have a gun". That's not what the autopsy report said.

-You can summarize all of Michael Jackson's legal woes in "Billie Jean". "They say I am the one, but the child is not my son"

-Speaking of overstating the obvious, how can a country music singer (Garth Brooks) NOT have "friends in low places"?

-Listening to Rick James' "Super Freak", while reading the story of his imfamous trial, you couldn't help but to wonder... Was he talking about himself?

-Define irony. Patsy Cline's first #1 song "I fall to pieces" was released as a single two years before she died in a plane crash.

-You can tell that Cher has enough experience with men when she criticizes you in saying "I can feel something inside me that says, I really don't think you're strong enough"

- R. Kelly said,"I don't see nothing wrong, with a little bump and grind". Is that what you said to that 14 year old girl before you mistaken her for a urinal?

But perhaps the best bizarre song I'd ever heard, came from what initially appeared to be the most "innocent" sounding song of this generation. Ladies and gentlemen, fill your minds with visions of hardcore sex, while reading the lyrics to "Bubbly", by Colbie Calliat

 I've been awake for a while now
You've got me feelin' like a child now
'Cause every time I see your bubbly face
I get the tinglees in a silly place

It starts in my toes
And I crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go

The rain is fallin' on my window pane
But we are hidin' in a safer place
Under the covers stayin' safe and warm
You give me feelings that I adore

They start in my toes
Make me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go

What am I gonna say
When you make me feel this way?
I just, mmm

It starts in my toes
Makes me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go

I've been asleep for a while now
You tucked me in just like a child now
'Cause every time you hold me in your arms
I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth

It starts in my soul
And I lose all control
When you kiss my nose
The feelin' shows
'Cause you make me smile
Baby just take your time now
Holdin' me tight

Wherever, wherever, where ever you go
Wherever, wherever, where ever you go

So if you find yourself like me, fed up with bad lyrics and bad singing, take heart in knowing that somewhere down the road, someone's going to write a song that will, in some way, freak you out. As long as I believe this to be true, there may be some hope left for the music industry, in terms of keeping my interest; assuming that Metallica don't sue me for listening to such songs for free.   

That's my point and I'm sticking to it.  

 

 

Category: General
Posted on: October 17, 2008 4:58 am
 

Michigan Blues Is Not the Color of the Jerseys!!!

What do you say to a University of Michigan and a Detroit Lions football fan? A loyal football fan, whose teams have a combined record of 2-9? well, you tell such a fan,"At least you have your health".

The Michigan Wolverines and Detroit Lions are but an hour's drive away from each other, but their similaries are even closer.

1. Both teams have offensive schemes that won't work simply because they have the wrong personnel.  Rich Rodriguez want to run the spread option, an offense that requires a athletic QB; the problem is he doesn't have an athletic QB; Rod Marinelli wants a power running game; the problem is, he has no running back. 

2. Both teams are hurting their defenses with QB turnovers. I don't who's worse, "Stevens Treats" or "Jons Picknas".

3. Both just came off heart breaking losses to teams they should had beaten, with the last play coming down to a FG

But of all of the similarities, none is more relevent than the mentality of both coaches. Both Rich Rodriguez and Rod Marinelli understand by now that their perspective offenses cannot score with the talent they have, yet they both had chosen not to adapt to the situation. Like the stubborn mules they are, they're going to stick to their systems, even if it kill them or us.

Yes, I have the Michigan blues. Six months ago, Detroiters we're talking future super bowl and national championships raining down on Michigan like rain. Now as we look around, we see nothing but desert. The faults are very well perportioned; a combination of bad hirings, bad selection of players, bad schemes, bad attitudes and just plain bad luck. Right now, there are a hand full of Wolverine and Lion players that are asking themselves,"Maybe I should go play football somewhere else"; right now, William Clay Ford and Bill Martin are asking themselves, "should I fire this coach?"; and the fans are problably asking themselves,"Should I continue supporting this garbage"?

I'm numb right now. I'm out of profanities, because I used up the rest this past week; can't kick the couch, because it'll only make my cast itch; can't throw nothing at the TV, because it's brand new (don't ask); but the most important, with half of a season to go, I can't really celebrate any of their victories because regardless of the wins, neither of them have a chance in hades of winning any championship. Half way through both seasons, and I'm already starting 2009 draft and recruiting threads. 

I can't speak for you, but I can speak for myself. Despite it all, I will continue to support them. Why? Because being a true fan of bad teams is like being a witness to a trainwreck; despite the horror, you can't help but to look and wonder if something positive comes out of it. Sigh...

Oh well, at least we have the Spartans...

Aww screw that...Find me a very high cliff with jagged rocks at the bottom... I'm doing a header!!! 

Category: NFL
Tags: Lions, Wolverines
 
Posted on: October 17, 2008 4:56 am
Edited on: October 17, 2008 4:59 am
 

Michigan Blues Is Not the Color of the Jerseys!!!

What do you say to a University of Michigan and a Detroit Lions football fan? A loyal football fan, whose teams have a combined record of 2-9? well, you tell such a fan,"At least you have your health".

The Michigan Wolverines and Detroit Lions are but an hour's drive away from each other, but their similaries are even closer.

1. Both teams have offensive schemes that won't work simply because they have the wrong personnel.  Rich Rodriguez want to run the spread option, an offense that requires a athletic QB; the problem is he doesn't have an athletic QB; Rod Marinelli wants a power running game; the problem is, he has no running back. 

2. Both teams are hurting their defenses with QB turnovers. I don't who's worse, "Stevens Treats" or "Jons Picknas".

3. Both just came off heart breaking losses to teams they should had beaten, with the last play coming down to a FG

But of all of the similarities, none is more relevent than the mentality of both coaches. Both Rich Rodriguez and Rod Marinelli understand by now that their perspective offenses cannot score with the talent they have, yet they both had chosen not to adapt to the situation. Like the stubborn mules they are, they're going to stick to their systems, even if it kill them or us.

Yes, I have the Michigan blues. Six months ago, Detroiters we're talking future super bowl and national championships raining down on Michigan like rain. Now as we look around, we see nothing but desert. The faults are very well perportioned; a combination of bad hirings, bad selection of players, bad schemes, bad attitudes and just plain bad luck. Right now, there are a hand full of Wolverine and Lion players that are asking themselves,"Maybe I should go play football somewhere else"; right now, William Clay Ford and Bill Martin are asking themselves, "should I fire this coach?"; and the fans are problably asking themselves,"Should I continue supporting this garbage"?

I'm numb right now. I'm out of profanities, because I used up the rest this past week; can't kick the couch, because it'll only make my cast itch; can't throw nothing at the TV, because it's brand new (don't ask); but the most important, with half of a season to go, I can't really celebrate any of their victories because regardless of the wins, neither of them have a chance in hades of winning any championship. Half way through both seasons, and I'm already starting 2009 draft and recruiting threads. 

I can't speak for you, but I can speak for myself. Despite it all, I will continue to support them. Why? Because being a true fan of bad teams is like being a witness to a trainwreck; despite the horror, you can't help but to look and wonder if something positive comes out of it. Sigh...

Oh well, at least we have the Spartans...

Aww screw that...Find me a very high cliff with jagged rocks at the bottom... I'm doing a header!!! 

Category: General
Tags: Lions, Wolverines
 
Posted on: September 10, 2008 6:40 pm
 

Ms Piggy! Please take that Lipstick off!

Dear Ms Piggy,

It's me Kermitt. I had to run away for a few days to contemplate our relationship. It's not that I don't love you, but as of late, I'd seen a really bad change in your appearance. No, it's not your weight, or your hair, or your breath... It's your lipstick.

For the past year, you had everybody putting lipstick on your face. First, it was Rich Rodriguez and his spread/option offense without an athletic QB; next came the Lions running offense with two pro bowl wide receivers; then came Barack Obama and his evaluation of the McCain/Palin ticket; but not before McCain and his evaluation of Hillary Clinton's programs. You have so much lipstick on you, I don't know if I'm kissing a pig or an apple!

Everyday, it's costing me time and money to wash the lipstick off my clothes and from places I dare not say. Everytime I step out  onto the street and people see my green body, along with your lipstick, they start asking me questions about the upcoming Christmas Sale at Wal-Mart.

Look Ms. Piggy, I love you, but I can't deal with this lipstick issue. If you truly love me, then prove it by admitting that you're a pig; if I can be proud of being a frog, you can be proud of being a pig. Take that lipstick off and I'll come back to you. I miss you giving me a slice of ham in the morning and I know you miss the way I hop up and down. I want us to get back together... I miss you!

Love,

Kermitt the Frog

PS- I'd heard that you were hanging around with the band... Stay away from that ANIMAL!!! 

Category: General
Tags: Lions, Wolverines
 
Posted on: August 22, 2008 9:28 pm
 

1st Mission for President of USOC; Ban Boxing!

"This is a joke" 

A primative, yet simple and to the point choice of words, to decribe the current status of olympic boxing. I'd just finish watching a replay of a match in which our last remaining boxer got eliminated without scoring a single point; meanwhile his italian challenger scored his first point off a punch that actually hit our boxer's shoulder.  

Look, it appears to me that many foreign judges don't know the spirit of this sport; the objective is to score the most effective punches, not the most effective "slaps". Now this accusation is under the assumption that their style of scoring is NOT politically motivated; IAW, I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt.

So why do our greatest controversies, concerning the Olympics, always happen in boxing? The answer lies in a little scar I see everyday on my forehead. I got that scar several years ago in an England pub. Being drunk (which what usually starts fights), I decided to back up a friend's opinion of what he'd thought of the queen. So here we are... In a fight!!! I was drunk, so I did what any drunk guy, who wanted a fight,  would do... Pick the biggest guy to fight. So I walked up to the man and stared him in the eye; then threw the hardest punch I could muster up.....then...then.....

He laugh it off, pick me up and threw me through the pub's front window!!!

So here I am, bleeding because a sliver of glass was stuck in my forehead. My friends saw what happened and chose to stop the fight and run. As they were taking me to the car, two english girls ran up to us, asking for us to take them with us. Ok, so we braught them along; hell, why not; I figure that I will go to the hospital first, then to jail; the least I could do is spend my last hours of freedom under female companionship. Turns out not to be the case; the sliver was tiny; so I manage to stop the bleeding; no sirens were heard; so there were no policemen at our hotel; as for the girls; one of them gave me her number with the intent to try to see me before I left England. I'd asked her why she would want to date me? She'd answered that it was the first time she'd ever seen anyone stand up to "Brian", the pub's bully.

Regardless of victory or defeat, women and men still, in our savageness, judge each other's "man/womanhood" through fighting. I know it's sad, pathetic and uncivilized, but it's still true. Fighting, for all of it savagery, remains, in the back of everyone's mind, the true testament of the human spirit, primarily because fighting demonstrates your ability to survive. Nations, including our own, take great pride in our perspective fighting spirits; so much so, that we would do anything to prove it... Even cheat!!!

There will be no medal for the USA, in this or any other summer olympic games, outside of the US. The foreign judges are determined to prove to the world that their perspective boxers can fight and beat any American, anytime and anywhere and the scores will reflect that. So why should we keep wasting our men's time and hard work, just so they could travel to a foreign country and get "slapped" to death. Who knows, four years from know, the foreign judges will start scoring hairpulling and nail clawing. I'm sorry to the women on this board, if this sounds sexist, but I have to say this; because of politics, mens' olympic boxing is now a  series of "girlfights", in which two men are FORCED to slap at each other, like two women fighting over a man, with a scripted ending comparable to that of pro wrestling.

If I were the president of the USOC, I would end our boxing program; I'm not going to waste these kids time and hard work fighting a battle that can't be won. Not when they can go on to become Pros, make millions of dollars and send a message to the foreign boxers "You want to fight us, go Pro; you know, where the judges can't save you from a overhand shot to an unprotected head".    Food for thought.         

  

Category: Olympic Games
Posted on: August 10, 2008 12:32 pm
 

Politics has no place in Olympics, Period!!!

What a hypocricy. When George W. Bush was told that John Kerry's inital lead over him was due to endorsements made by celebrities, he quickly campaigned in California. In one of his speeches, he wanted to make one message absolutely clear... He wanted Hollywood to stay out of the business of politics in claiming that "Hollywood doesn't represent America". I found that position confusing; after all, the same Hollywood that'd produced such "horrible" immoral movies as  "Lolita", "The Last Temptation of Christ" and "The Birth of a Nation", would also produce "The Ten Commandments", "Saving Private Ryan" and "Schlinder's List". I'd always felt that Bush's proclamation of the "separation of politics from everything" was a lame attempt to seek political equality at his own convience; for I hardly doubt that we would've heard such rhetoric coming from him, had the #1 star in Hollywood had endorsed him that year.  With that being said, I'll accept his position; now this is what I think about Bush's so called pre olympic speech, in China.... BU#LLLS5IT!!! If Politcs, as Bush recommended, should only belong to the politicians, then the Olympic Games should only belong to the athletes.

I was furious at the way the world behaved leading up to the games. Ok, we got the memo; everybody hates the Chinese government, "Wooooo, they're scaaaaary, hide under your beds!!!"  

But when I'd waken up the next morning, after the opening ceremony, I noticed four things.

1. I'm still alive

2. I'm not speaking Chinese

3. I'm not a communist

4. Despite of  "my fear" of China, I still enjoyed the opening ceremomy.  

So Armaggedon didn't come and I was angry. I'd just came back from the hardware store; I'd baught a case of flesh eating locust repellent and  some proxy glue in case I have to repair any of the seven seals that were broken. (The only problem I had with the glue is that after appliction of glue, I will have to hold the seal together for twelve minutes, then wait 24 hours for the bond to cure). 

Anyway, back to the subject. The Winter and Summer Olympic Games has a symbolism to them; a symbolism of which cannot be compromised... 

TO ONCE, EVERY TWO YEARS,  TAKE A TWO WEEK VACATION, FROM WORLD POLITICS, TO PARTICIPATE IN FRIENDLY COMPETITION!!! 

If anything, political protests are actually hurting the very goals we want to set in China. But to understand that, you'll have to do something I feel many people have a hard time doing...learning from history.

Germany hosted the summer olympics in 1936; they were defeated in 1945 (WWII); the Soviet Union hosted  and participated in both  olympics in 1980; "perestroika" and "glasnost" dessolved it in 1991; Yugoslavia hosted the winter olympics in 1984; after the Bosnian War, what some would argue to be a "civil war",  a peace agreement was establish 1995. It has been a proven fact that the Olympics reforms nations whose governments are evil; Why? Because you can't host an Olympics without allowing citizens, armed with their interpretations of freedom and the teachings of their perspective GODs,  with the intentions of spreading their messages to your people, into your country. Every country does not have the resources available to stop every foreign visitor from talking to their citizens; so you know that foreign influence will ultimately play its strongest role in the Olympics. But that's the least of China 's worries; their greatest concern surrounds the posibility of a major athletic achievement taking place; one of which speaks more political volumes than any protest.

The road to the success of the black civil rights movement in this country, as well as our victory over the Nazia and the Soviets, can be attributed to the Olympics. It was Jessie Owens who'd demonstrated to the world his values as a black man, while at the same time, showing the Nazis how superior they were not.  It was our US Hockey team who'd shown the world that the Soviets were not as superior as they thought they were. So, by now you can see, from athleticism to activistism, that there are many concerns the Chinese government have in hosting the Summer Olympics.  The obvious "sign" is literally a sign; one that discourages conversations with tourists; they're located all over the various olympic sites. Note- The "signs" fell short of threatening criminal prosecution if such conversations take place.    

The Olympics is a peaceful invasion; an invasion that if successful, will lead to a change in China of which we, the world,  will embrace with open arms. Once you understand it from this perspective, then you'll understand that politics is not needed here; just play the games, if you're an athlete and watch them, if you a spectator. 

Sorry, Mr. Bush but this means for you to just shut up and watch the games. Sorry, John McCain and Barack Obama, but I don't want to see your silly campaign ads, while I'm trying to use the commerical break to explain to the kids the difference between a breastroke and a backstroke. Nothing personal; you're great guys and I can't wait to talk more politics; just do me a favor, please.... Go take a hike for two weeks!!!

Thank you.  

     

Category: Olympic Games
Posted on: July 26, 2008 5:28 am
 

Rich Rodriguez and Barack Obama drinking buddies?

I'd just gotten off work tonight and went to the Pub to have a beer with my drinking buddy. Drinking buddies are essential to daily life because it gives you some quality time to get away from it all. However, you can't just sit down with just anyone and have a drink; they have a name for that; it's called courting. No, a great drinking buddy is defined by one particular characteristic... He or she has the same issues you have; so talking to them would be the same as if you're talking to yourself, which makes for great theraphy. So here we are sitting and sipping, watching the news concerning presidential candidate Barack Obama, when it occurred to both of us that he has a lot in common with first year Michigan coach Rich Rodriguez.

1. The obvious; both of them are minorities.

2. Did you notice that both of them have critics questioning their experience. Critics charge that Obama's experience, as a senator, pales in comparison to the experience needed to be president, much the same as the critics charge that Rodriguez' experience at west Virginia pales in comparison to the experience need to be the head football coach at Michigan.

3. Both are offering changes that leaves us concerned about the future. Barack Obama plans to withdrawl our troops from Iraq using a timetable many view as too soon and risky; Rich Rodriguez wants to convert the Michigan offense into the spread option attack many view as too radical and complicated.

4. Both are facing just as much opposition from their own people as they are receiving from their rivals. Many blacks view Barack Obama as not being black enough, while Rich Rodriguez's team is already being labled, "The Michigan Mountaineers".

5. Neither can escape controversy. Barack Obama cannot shake the shadow of Rev. Wright anymore than Rich Rodriguez can shake the shadow of his legal issues with West Virginia.

With some of these pesimistic similarities being noted, I believe that both of them will be fine; you know why? Because they both are going to win. Michigan football fans, like the average voter, are desperately seeking change. Lloyd Carr and John McCain actually have two things in common; both are too old and out of touch and both beleive that they can win by "playing (fighting) not to lose".  A continued presence in Iraq will only inspire young Iraqis to join the insurgency because they will start to resent our presence there; at Michigan, playing not to lose basically means that we will keep our opponents in the game; that'll inspire the opposing team to fight harder to win the game. It is this scary comparison that will motivite everyone to look past the concerns towards both Rodriguez and Obama, thus giving them a chance to prove themselves. However, both of them still face one clear challenge; one I feel is the ultimate similarity that binds them both together. If you check out the schedule of events for both election night and the Wolverines' season, you'll find out that the fate of both of these two gentlemen's year will come down to one last goal... A victory in OHIO!!! One "red" state that is the home of a certain "red" team. Scary, isn't it?

So if both of them do manage to pull off their perspective victories, my first suggestion to the both of them is to sit down and have a beer together. Don't be surprise if they decide to become drinking buddies afterwards. Hey, who knows? If both of them play their cards right, they might drink those beers after a certain Rose Garden ceremony at the White House. That my daily thought... Take it for what 's worth.

Category: NCAAF
Posted on: July 24, 2008 3:48 am
 

I Hope that Speed "Kills" Them and not US!

It still remains the great cloud that hangs over Ann Arbor... Speed, or shall I say, lack there of. Everytime Michigan loses, the first thing the media checks is the players' "40" times, then go "Ahhhaaa!". They never check for bad playcalling, turnovers and/or injuries; no, it's always,"The opposing team ran circles around them". So now in comes Mike Barwis, the man who some would say invented the "Six million dollar man".  His job is to slim the players down in order to pick up their speed so that we can play with the SEC, the PAC 10 and other conferences who claim to have players with blood made of octane, whose heartbeats are measured in RPMs and everytime they fart, it smells of burnt exhaust from an F-18.

We know that "speed kills"; but we also know that when speed makes contact with power, speed gets killed. Bo racked up his wins by forcing the faster team into playing contact football; from there, the opposing bodies started hitting the floor. I don't know where Lloyd Carr had lost his "Bo-ball", but watching opponents successfully run around his Michigan teams, made me sick. The most well executed win against Lloyd Carr came when the Tennessee Volunteers routed our Wolverines. The offensive gameplan, executed by Phill Fulmer, was flawless. The plan was to throw short passes to the receivers and allow them to do the following three options.

a. Try to run past the defender

b. Run out of bounds

c. Slide 

The method to Fulmer's madness was simple... Don't get hit!!! I do not recall a single deep pass over the middle the entire game; it worked to perfection and we helplessly watched our defense had gotten picked apart one short pass at a time. When the final whistle was blown, I was left with two thoughts. One, being a current resident in Tennessee, I'm not going to hear the end of this; and two, Lloyd Carr is starting to lose it. We didn't play very smart that day and it definitely showed on the scoreboard.

Look, I have no problems with Barwis' plan so long as he understands one little historical fact... All of these major (fast) conferences STILL have losing records against Michigan. Why is that? Simple... We play SMARTER!!! I expect Rich Rodriguez  to remind Barwis to not sacrifice filmroom time in order to sculpt the perfect speed demon. I take great pride in watching the opposing team players shaking their heads wondering as to how they could had lost to Michigan and I definitely don't want to watch us running around players. If he can pick up our speed, while keeping our hard hitting ways, I'm down for it. Otherwise, their "WWBD" (What Would Bo Do) campaign is nothing but a farce. 

Category: NCAAF
 
 
 
 
The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author and do not reflect the views of CBS Sports or CBSSports.com